I’m pregnant. Ten weeks pregnant. Typically, people don’t announce their pregnancies until they’re in the “safe” zone of the 2nd trimester (12 weeks), because there’s a lot of uncertainty in the 1st trimester. Miscarriage is common: ~10-20% of pregnancies. So people wait until the risk is lower before they tell the world. But there’s a problem with this: we rarely hear about the early pregnancies that end in miscarriage. It creates the illusion that all pregnancies you hear about magically work out. And then, when women have a miscarriage, they’re left suffering in silence. They wonder: what’s wrong with me? Why did this happen to me and not to everyone else?
But in reality, it does. Miscarriage is so common, yet it’s a last bastion of secrecy and shame. While we work to blast away any residual shame around mental illness, let’s go ahead and add miscarriage to the mix. It’s not shameful; it’s common, natural, and normal. It’s mother nature’s version of genetic screening. It can happen to anyone. And it’s tough, on a physical and emotional level. So I’ve decided to use my platform to announce my pregnancy. Not because I necessarily want the world to know this personal detail of my life, but because I want to model announcing early pregnancies. If I miscarry, as much as that will be physically and emotionally difficult, I will again use my platform to talk through that experience. If you’re early days pregnant too, consider letting a few people in on your secret. See how it feels to welcome them into the excitement and uncertainty. And if you miscarry, if it feels okay, talk about it. Let people support you. And remember there is zero shame in miscarriage. These things are hard enough without shame.
To any patients reading this, I hope you will understand my telling you this way. Since it is so early, we have a lot of time before anything changes.
