I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways we shield our children from risk, sometimes at the expense of their development and wellbeing. A little calculated risk here and there (in a controlled setting) allows kids to develop coordination and confidence. It’s critical to their development. When we rescue them from every risky situation, they miss the chance to develop resourcefulness and a sense of self-efficacy. We can only shield our children so long, and then the world steps in, with very real risk. Perhaps it’s best to let them have a little experience of calculated risk here and there throughout childhood. This way, when they take on the world as adults, rather than crumpling at the first obstacle, they tap into a deep reservoir of knowing, in the words of Glennon Doyle, “we can do hard things.”

I worry about the children these days. In ways that are beyond measure and comprehension, their development depends on the tactile feedback of climbing on rocks, skidding down steep gravel paths, and rolling in grass. I don’t dispute the reasons for staying home, but I think it’s also important to find a safe and responsible way to let the children roam free in the great outdoors. Let me know if you’ve found a way for your kids to play in mother nature’s playground. ⁠

“I know we’ve come a long way⁠
We’re changing day to day⁠
But tell me, where do the children play?”⁠
-Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam⁠

Nature is the medicine. After 4.5 months of continuous city living, barely leaving my neighborhood let alone the island of Manhattan, I was in deep need of nature. I felt it on the level of my cells. So we masked up and flew to Colorado. Our first stop was the quirky Manitou Springs, where the epic Pikes Peak (or Tava) seems to have created an underground reservoir of mineral springs that bubble up through the ground and nourish the people and the land. For hours a day I simply plugged my body physically into the earth. I stood barefoot in the dirt, I planted my feet in the stream and let the ice cold waters wash over me, I scrambled up red rock formations and planted myself down, letting my bare legs have an exchange with the warm rockbed. The sun kissed my skin, my lungs released their layer of NYC soot and took in this fresh mountain air, my eyes saw green, and my nervous system downshifted several levels. Nature is the medicine, and I’m immensely grateful to be bathing in it after so long. 

As founder of the Amplify Melanated Voices movement Jessica Wilson points out, “today is not the end, it’s just the beginning!” I don’t know when we’ll ever “arrive,” but I do know 2020 is different. The earth is quaking, the trauma embedded deep in the body of our country is pouring forth, & we are shifting. ⁠

I stand in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. If we’re talking about mental health & wellness in this community, we’re talking about racism. I hope you’ll stay for the conversation, even if (especially if) it makes you uncomfortable. I’ll work to keep this conversation centered around empathy, respect, nuance, & deep listening. ⁠

I also hope you’ll join me in committing to the lifelong work of anti-racism (and raising actively anti-racist children). Like so many, I’ve had the perverse privilege of *only now* recognizing the ways I’ve been complicit. This is a call to action to show up humbly & do the work continuously & across multiple dimensions. Anti-racism is action. Here are some of the things I’m doing as an example of ways to take action: ⁠
⁠
1. Listening⁠
⁠
2. Protesting⁠
⁠
3. Donating: National Bail Out, Brooklyn Bail Fund, Black Visions Collective, Feeding The Valley, Ashe Birthing Services⁠
⁠
4. Reading: Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, Me And White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad, White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo ⁠
⁠
5. Confronting: having the uncomfortable conversations about racism with others; having the uncomfortable conversations with MYSELF⁠
⁠
6. Watching: The Hate You Give, Dear White People, 13th ⁠
⁠
7. Once I finally get the podcast off the ground, regularly featuring BIPOC as a critical perspective in the conversation about mental health & wellness⁠
⁠
8. Supporting Black-owned businesses: Sol Cacao, Partake Foods, The Honey Pot Company⁠
⁠
9. Learning from/amplifying melanated voices in mental health: Dr. Jennifer Mullan, The Nap Ministry, The Conscious Kid, Ashley Johns, Minaa B., Dr. Ann-Louise T. Lockhart
⁠
10. VOTING⁠
⁠
What are some of the actions you’re taking? Let me know so that as a community we can keep ourselves moving forward.

I think the key to taking care of ourselves in this complicated time is to focus on the fundamentals of self-care, except when we can’t–when the best way to take care of ourselves is to let that all go. The real skill is discerning which act of self-love is needed in any given moment, and to toggle between the two. Where we get it wrong is being polarized in two camps that think it’s always one way or the other–virtuous kale goddess vs. treat yo’self with a side of contempt for self-care. When you have the energy or the dire need for it, take excellent care of yourself: prioritize sleep, eat real food, avoid fake food, find ways of having social connection, connect to nature, move your body, and get some sunshine. And then, any time it’s not possible to pitch a perfect game of nutrition and good sleep, let it go, and be gentle with yourself about it. Remind yourself that you can handle some failures of self-care–your body is not that fragile. The real skill is in discerning which is the more radical act of self-love in any given moment–sometimes it’s sunshine and sleep, and sometimes it’s cookies on the couch. Don’t get too rigidly stuck in one approach or the other.

Photo Credit: Deborah Barak

Losing myself in dance is my favorite medicine. I turned 40 on Saturday, and my hope was to bring people together for connection and goofy, playful, sweaty, therapeutic, ecstatic dance. It turns out, doing this over zoom is not as intuitive or google-able as you might expect. Here are the steps (and a playlist) to get you started.

Step 1: Playlist

Step 2: Set up a zoom and invite your friends

Step 3: When you begin, click “share screen” at the bottom of the screen, then click the box for “Share Computer Sound” (bottom left corner). At the top of the screen, toggle to “Advanced.” Select “Music or Computer Sound Only”, then click the blue share button. Done! (See below)

 

Here’s why this matters: it allows you to keep your screen in gallery mode so everyone can feel like they’re dancing together, while the audio comes through clearly and you can control the music from your own spotify (which you can do on a separate phone if you like).

Step 4: Dance your heart out!

Dance and social connection are my medicine, how about you? Let me know some ways you’re having fulfilling virtual interactions.

 

Let go of all the noise and headlines telling us which exercise is best. Listen to what your body wants to do. For women, this may change depending on where you are in your cycle. Sometimes HIIT feels right, sometimes yoga, sometimes you want to dance in your living room, and other times you want to nap. Listen to your body, and trust what it tells you.

Demystify it. It doesn’t matter if you can’t clear your mind. Nobody can. That’s not the goal. You simply show up for any amount of time, and then you give yourself a gold star and a pat on the back no matter what went down.

Mindfulness meditation is just about practicing present-moment awareness on purpose. When your mind wanders—and it will—that’s not failure. It’s an opportunity. Gently bring your mind back to the present moment. Each time you do that, it’s like a little bicep curl for the muscle of present-moment awareness. You strengthen it little by little.

Self-Care is an Outcropping of Capitalism

The self-care industrial complex is in many ways trying to profit off our burnout. But the workism episode of the Ezra Klein show opened my eyes to the idea that self-care itself is an example of how capitalism has permeated our lives. “Self-care” is what happens when leisure needs to feel productive. It rebrands relaxation into a virtuous activity. Now, instead of staring at the sky to relax, we meditate and gua sha our jawlines. Productive relaxation, optimizing ourselves so we can be more productive at work, live longer, and enhance the lymphatic drainage in our faces. I encourage you to rebrand your leisure time as leisure for the sake of leisure. Even better: leisure for no sake at all. Sometimes we work, and sometimes we rest. When you’re resting, just do what feels good, and enjoy it, the end.