When my husband holds my daughter’s hand, he runs his thumb back and forth, measuring the size of her hand. Over the years, this has been a tool for tuning in to her growth and the passage of time. A small action like this can be an instrument of mindfulness, allowing us to wake up to the present moment. What tiny hands are growing in your life? How do you remind yourself to wake up and witness the impermanence and heart-aching glory of it all?
An unexpected shift I’ve noticed in my practice:
As people cancel events & travel, work from home, and generally batten down the hatches, we are now, finally, simplifying our lives. We’ve been overdue for a correction to the busy-ness trap; who knew it would take a global pandemic for us to finally do less?
Next challenge: simplify your information diet.
These last few days, all of the tension I’ve been feeling has made me wake up very early. Instead of struggling with that and tossing and turning, I’ve decided to get out of bed, light a candle in my living room, and meditate so that I can get still and quiet and listen for what is being asked of me in these trying times.
I have to admit, I was getting triggered seeing all the posts about extra time for baths, meditation, learning to knit, or even watching “all of netflix”. I keep thinking, “you must not have kids.” As a household with two remote working parents, our work has not paused, yet we’re suddenly without school, nanny, or any childcare. I was feeling bad for myself.
Then it occurred to me, any time you’ve got tough circumstances and you’re envying/resenting people who have it easier, take a step back and recognize you’ve got the enviable/resentable circumstances from someone else’s perspective.
So I have turned my lens on all the people for whom social distancing does not mean extra time for arts & crafts, it means: how will I survive without income? How can I report to my job at the grocery store when my kids can’t go to school? How will I survive if my home health aid stops showing up who helps me with toileting, showering, and opening the can to make soup?
If quarantine means time for rest and turning inward for you, be in gratitude and, without feeling guilty or diminishing your gratitude, think on others with a more complicated burden under these circumstances. Help where you can.
Humans need to feel witnessed, but these days we’re siloed off in McMansions, SUV’s, and lonely studio apartments. Sometimes a zoom conference is the most social thing we do in a day.
As we’ve moved away from church communities, rotary clubs, living with extended family, and feeling known by our villages, we have an unmet need to feel seen and witnessed as we go through the ups and downs of our lives. I believe social media has stepped in to be our surrogate village. Now, when we have a baby, take a vacation, or get nail art, we post it to feel witnessed. Someone shared in our experience; it was not all for naught.
Yet this surrogate village is less tangible. I don’t find it to be a wholly satisfactory form of feeling seen. What do you think?
At least in my internet bubble, you hear the term “do the work” thrown around a lot. What does it even mean?
It can mean a lot of things, from 7 years of psychotherapy, to having difficult conversations and incorporating new ideas, to reading Byron Katie, to psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy. I think all forms of “doing the work” boil down to the same concept:
Stop living in distraction, and sit in discomfort to get closer to the truth
If you’re going through your daily life distracted and numbed out by social media, video games, interpersonal drama, or booze, consider dropping your distraction crutches for a period of time, and give yourself space to sit in stillness and silence. Very likely, some form of discomfort might bubble up. Rather than immediately reaching for your phone, a drink, food, or a codependent relationship to airlift you out of the discomfort, consider sitting right there, in the middle of the fire. Get curious about it, explore it, listen, and lean into that growth edge. Chances are, when you emerge, you will have gotten closer to some truth. It may be something you can put into words, or it may simply be a subtle shift in your body.
You’re doing the work. Now simply rinse and repeat for the rest of your life 🙂 This is just my definition. How do you define “do the work”? I would love to be corrected!
– Trouble falling asleep at night? Shut it down.
– Feeling depressed/anxious/insecure? Shut it down.
– Can’t find time to meditate? Shut it down.
Want to wake up to your life, sleep well at night, have energy during the day, experience more self-love, and generally feel good? Shut down the phone. Try it now.
Originally published in mindbodygreen
My family of three lived out of a single suitcase and two backpacks as we traveled around the world for seven months.
It turns out, some things you can completely go without, and some things you can MacGyver for yourself as needed with a garbage bag and some duct tape. We can not only make do with less, but it actually makes life more enjoyable. There’s less decision fatigue about what to wear, you don’t find yourself running around looking for something you know you put somewhere, and you feel free and nimble to roam the world.
When I returned home, I was tempted to resort to old habits (owning every gadget, ordering something I thought I “needed” on amazon at the drop of a hat), but instead I got rid of possessions and made do with less. It frees up your life. When we own less clutter, the energy flows more freely through our homes, we feel less tied down and overwhelmed, and we even get less distracted. It gives your mind and your home the space to be a canvas for insight and creativity.
We all need so much less than we think.
Originally published in mindbodygreen
There’s much more appreciation these days for micro-traumas—like chronic, more mildly traumatic things—that cumulatively over many years can amount to the same as one macro trauma.
Trauma can sort of shock the autonomic nervous system into a state of hyperarousal and hypervigilance, like you’re in that peak moment in a horror movie when the music is accelerated, and you know something bad is about to happen.
Big strong emotions will come up, and sometimes it’s something that you can’t even put your finger on. You just feel a certain way—you feel angry, sad, or afraid. It’s helpful to either support yourself through those moments with a journaling practice or to have some sort of therapeutic conversation. It’s a gift when these things come up, but you want to be able to usher them up and out gracefully.